Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Everyone Loves Maryellen

  Let me describe Maryellen. She was the first smiling face to welcome me on the school playground when I moved here ten years ago. She is obviously, observant. She is warm and friendly, and quickly invites even strangers into a conversation. She is easy to get to know and she lets you in on her world, at the moment. And you can relate. She is cheerful, and will bring out the smile in you, even if you didn't realize one was there. She speaks fast. Her words run together the way passengers crowd a New York City Subway train, fast and furious. She is petite, perky and even in her late 40's she makes bikini's look natural. And she has a radiant beauty that comes from within, and is reflected in her eyes, smile, and her singing voice.
   Some of our children are similar in age, so we have spent time together doing family outings, beach days, picnics, and even school events. At first we would go blueberry picking with young children. Now, we field teenage antics and spend time together on the high school bleachers cheering on our athletes. Our children have enough time together over the years, that they call each other family. Through thick and thin, I know they watch out for each other, even as they expand their own friendship circles. We have prayed together, done Bible Studies together, fostered scouting events, and attended funerals together. All time well spent. 
   Maryellen told me once that her mother was a very wise woman. She said that when she first moved here as a child, she would come home from school crying about kids who didn't welcome her.  She would complain about who was mean to her, and who said unkind things. Her wise Mom would always say, "Everyone loves Maryellen, maybe they just had a bad day." 
  Maryellen said this idea was fed into her pysche for the formative years of her youth. She learned to think outside her own little world, and to reason out the poor behavior of other kids as problems they had in their own lives. Their lack of joy, was not taken as a personal problem she caused. She said it helped her grow up confident and not afraid to step in where angels sometimes fear to tread. "Remember, everyone loves Maryellen."
    This was a refreshing concept to me. It really was something I had never really thought about. I never tried to guess about someone else's life. I would take people at their word, and face value. But Maryellen told me that growing up knowing 'everyone loves Maryellen" was such a positive way to see life, that she taught her own three children to think that same positive way. This enabled them to not doubt the intentions of others in most routine situations. Her children, are natural champions for the understated, and are well received because of it. 
    This thinking doesn't come natural for me. I find myself questioning what I did, or said, in random situations. I look for approval in someone's eyes or facial expression. The tiniest tweak of a wrinkled brow could cause me to mentally retrace my steps. You may not see my interior reservation, or hear my mental debate, but trust me, it can become quite noisy in there. 
So, I try to remember Maryellen. Just thinking of her makes me smile. But I try to think about how she dives into new situations with a confidence driven by love. And that I should do the same. Maryellen's effect is one of kind love to others. What a legacy! 
Recently, one of my daughters wrote a class article with this heading:
   'What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?'
  Her answer? Anything, and everything! I say, try all things with love, and see what happens. 
  Oh, and Maryellen, thank your mother for me, for being so wise. You turned out perfect! 
   

3 comments:

gael lynch said...

I can always relate! As moms we try our best and no matter what, kids go through stormy periods that are almost as painful for us as they are for them. I'm still learning the part where they have to feel the pain in order to grow and come out the other side. Since I didn't have my mom through the years of my life, I deferred to the many 'Mary Ellens' that made their paths through my own life thankfully. One was my good old friend, Lucia, a teacher that was many years older than me. She had an incredibly sarcastic wit most of the time, but on the topic of our own kids...she always quieted and said, "The teenage years are the times when you REALLY pick your battles, otherwise there won't be any battles after that...just silence." So I trusted that and never took any of it too, too serious. There was always time to laugh together after the storms had passed!

Smileyblueyes said...

One thing I have remembered to do through the years, is take lots of photos of us smiling. It just seems that when we look back at the smiling photos, whatever it was...couldn't have been all that bad. I like your friend's advice....silence would definitely not be what I would want after raising these kids.
Don't you find you are a better teacher now too? I find that I can can easily 'pick my battles' much better in the classroom, now that I am seasoned....or should I say "weathered"....

Tom said...

Totally. I wonder sometimes how I did that job in honesty before I was a mom. My kids are all about their lives now, and yet...they still take time for me. And, of course, if they fall down and have a boo-boo---I'm still the first they come to! Love that.
They have so many more pictures of themselves than we ever did, though! How lucky they are! We just have to cherish ours more.