In 1979, as I was preparing to get married, I read an article in a Psychology Today Magazine. The article stated that research had shown that when people fall in love, they form a mental image of the person, at that moment in time. When couples were questioned after 50 years of marriage, they still held in their mind's eye, the image of the person they fell in love with. Although the person may have aged, gained weight or lost their hair, the ravages of time did not effect the mental image of the loved one.
As a teacher, sometimes a student that has grown up, will approach me to say hello, and I don't recognize them. The youngster who sat in front of me for 180 days in a given year is not the person in front of me now. I know I haven't taught any students that had babies on their hip, or had a six foot frame that towered over me. But they remember me, even though I have aged, changed the size of my clothes, gone grey, and don't even look like I am smiling when my face is relaxed. But I hold onto the image of them, as a grade school child.
I recently stumbled upon a gold mine. Due to a recent reconnection with a dear, dear friend from elementary school, and high school, I dug out the photo album that even my husband of 30 years, has never seen. My daughters and I poured over the pictures of me in 7th grade, 8th grade, and even high school. Although I remembered High School as a place I would never want to return to, I witnessed a face that laughed often, and surrounded herself with other laughing familiar faces. How could I have forgotten?
My girlfriend and I were comparing notes about our adult lives. Amazingly parallel is the way I would describe it. And when I saw the picture of her, as she looks today, I realized, how much I had loved her all along. I have missed that smile, and sparkly eyes. There was always a "devil dancing in her" kind of mischief behind the look in the photo. I had so many firsts with her, learning to dance, learning to 'date', learning to be a friend, get through school, drive a car, fraternity parties, learn to spread our wings. We reminisced about how we even did Irish Step dancing together for a school assembly. We volunteered our time in tutoring, forming the seeds of the future teachers we would become. But most of all we laughed. Many experiences need no explanation and were rights of passage into adulthood during a turbulent time in our nation's history. They were also turburlant times in our families' personal lives. But we made it through the passage, and came out the other side, whole - and smiling. We live in different parts of the country, now. But I think if I was to run into her today, unexpectedly, I would hug her, and cry in memory of our childhood. Not a lost childhood, but one that is filled with memories of her, and I, and others that graced our days with laughter and wonder. I would thank her for just being herself, as she impressed upon me the value of kindness to others, of a smile in the face of heart wrenching sadness, and the beauty and dignity of human spirit.
This photo captures such a moment. Here we were in one of those photo booths, down the shore where we would make funny faces and then run away into the future. Who would believe that this photo is more than 30 years old? I still feel like the person in the picture. When did I replace spontaneous laughter with a serious "teacher look" ? How can I get back to that simple spontaneous joy? I know! I need to return to my roots, and remember what it felt like, since it is what formed me, and my friendships with women today. Today, I may not run into photo booths to capture the moment, but I'll bet there is a picture around somewhere with my mouth gaping open, and my heart light as can be - for just a moment. And maybe if I photoshop out the signs of age, you would recognize me as the same frivolous girl in the photo. I wish you were here with me. But just seeing you again, even in a photo, has warmed my heart once again. My heart sees the youthful spirit in this photo, especially in your eyes and smile. Thank you, friend, and I love you.
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